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Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Grandpa seeks a bride in new cringeworthy reality TV show
When I say I cannot WAIT for the Sept. 28 debut of “The Golden Bachelor” — the senior citizen version of “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” franchises — please know I’m not being sarcastic. Much. For too long, we’ve been subjected to shiny 20 somethings with taut skin, thick hair and thin ankles (girls) and […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Really? My physical now includes this kind of test?
After the usual vital signs check at my annual physical, the nurse looked at me with a kind smile. “OK, now I’m going to say three words and I’m going to ask you to recall those three words a little later.” She said the words slowly and distinctly, but they were almost drowned out by […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Say “hello” back to me…or else
I was sitting around, just feeling like, I dunno, a “listless vessel” when I read that researchers have found if you simply say “Hello” to at least five of your neighbors on a regular basis you will be rewarded with a significant boost in overall wellbeing. According to the new study by the Gallup National […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Loony DeSantis policies bench the bard
Oh, what fools these mortals be! And by “fools” I mean Ron DeSantis & Co. whose overcaffeinated-meth-addict-on-bath-salts-while-guzzling-a-handle-of-Fireball approach to education in Florida has resulted in a No Shakespeare policy. Because sometimes, the bard gets bawdy. Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day, Ron DeSantis? Prithy, no. May I instead compare you to a horse’s […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: A fine southern tradition that ought to be universal
I’ve spent a lot of years explaining the mind and heart of the South to newcomers. In the not-so-distant past, I was a speaker for hire at rubber chicken luncheons throughout the Carolinas on this very subject. Usually, the audience was made up of 95 percent transplanted retirees from the North and Midwest. The remaining […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: I bet your club membership doesn’t come with a casket
It’s not polite to brag but y’all should know I’m a member of a club. It’s a very large club and the food prepared and served at my club is, for the most part, very tasty if a tad heavy on frozen items that can be quickly sauteed in a small electric skillet. My club […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Give me “Barbie” over “Sound of Freedom” any day
As soon as I read Mrs. Matt Gaetz urged a boycott of the Barbie movie because it demeans “alpha” men (snicker), I realized I had to see it. My friend and I donned our prettiest pink dresses and joined a full theater for some retro fun with a modern-day message. Thanks Mrs. Matt Gaetz! While […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: The crazy summer heat
I thought I was looking at an enticing picture of gobs of strawberry jam ladled over a tiny sliver of pound cake. But something was off. The “jam” seemed almost violent, and the proportions were odd. Besides, who puts jam on a cake instead of frosting? None of this made sense. I scrolled up a […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Musk vs. Zuck
The on again/off again “cage match” between Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk is the spectacle we’ve all not been waiting for. A “thrillah of vanillah” if you will. Who is honestly pining to see these two pasty-faced, glassy-eyed billionaires beat the livin’ crap out of each other? Wait. Now that I just wrote that it […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Vanna White should be the one to reinvent the “wheel”
While I’ve got nothing against Ryan Seacrest—he seems like an amiable sort—it’s sadly unsurprising he got the job of hosting “Wheel of Fortune” over the woman with FORTY-ONE years’ experience. Vanna. Girl. If I were you, I’d be sure to flip those letters into a stream of profanities directed at the higher-ups before marching my […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: “Coastal grandmother” trend will sneak up on you
A close friend with a penchant for bold flowery dresses sniffed at my oatmeal linen pants, white linen big shirt and pale blue tank. “Coastal Grandma called and wants her clothes back,” she snarked. “Where’s your vintage flower basket brimming with fresh-cut limelight hydrangeas?” Hmmph. I wish I knew. My limelights didn’t come back after […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Disciple DeSantis? Its easier than he thinks
Is anyone surprised Ron DeSantis said recently he wished he could have been one of the Apostles? Here’s the Good News, Ron. You don’t have to sigh moonily in a TV interview about what could’ve been. No! Real discipleship is as close as your nearest food pantry and soup kitchen. It’s as close as the […]