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Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Politics is life, dammit!
My friend shook her head slowly when I asked if she had noticed – then again, how could she not? – Chris Matthews seems to have a stubborn chest cold because he has been coughing a lot more on TV than usual, which, as I reminded her, was already plenty annoying. I mean, if you’re […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Eastern North Carolina’s embarrassment
There’s so much to love about my native Eastern North Carolina. Driving through the sweet “dog tongue” flower-scented countryside to Greenville recently reminded me why the area’s most famous cheerleader – internationally respected Chef Vivian Howard – calls the flat, freshly planted fields flanking two-lane roads here, “my Tuscany, my Provence.” At first glance, that […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: The madness of King Donald
THE WHITE HOUSE, WASHINGTON, D.C.—The president of the United States today told First Lady Melania Trump she should leave the United States and go back to where she came from and that she should take her parents with her. “Turns out, Melania is from a really terrible, terrible country. It’s a place I’m sure most […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: American racism at its most pathetic
I don’t blame Black folk for thinking we’ve lost our minds. The recent noisy—and racist—outrage over the casting of a young African American actress as Ariel in the new live-action version of Disney’s “The Little Mermaid” movie is proof positive At times like this, all we can say is Jesus, take the wheel. And let’s […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: The bromance that makes you lose sleep
Think of the Trump/Kim bromance as the updated version of “An Affair to Remember” and “Sleepless in Seattle.” In “Trump and Kim: An Affair That Makes Us Lose Sleep,” Trump puts it all on the line. (The updated part is he does this via mushy tweet, of course.) He lets Kim know he will be […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Facebook banking?
Are y’all as excited as I am to learn that Facebook is getting into the global banking business? I mean, what could possibly go wrong? Hmmmm. Is this the same Facebook that let hundreds of Russian trolls come on in and set a spell, wreaking havoc with our elections? Yep. Baby steps, Zuckerberg. You’re barely […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Wake me when this nightmare is over
“I love to sleep…it’s my favorite.”—Famous Oval Office visitor and presidential aspirant Kanye West If you doubt things are getting more stressful in the nation’s capital, consider this country mouse saw her very first “nap studio” during a recent visit to Washington, D.C. Located just a short walk from the beleaguered White House and constipated […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Trump follows NC’s loathsome lead toward trans community
Lately, I’ve been pondering what it means to be a North Carolinian. As in Tar Heel born (in a doctor’s office, no less), Tar Heel bred (never lived more than 37 miles from home, just like Jesus) and, yes, like the song says, when I die, I’ll be Tar Heel dead. Speaking of which, in […]
(Painful) weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: The minority rules on abortion rights
Nearly 75 percent of Americans—men and women—say they don’t want Roe v. Wade overturned. So how did we get here? How did we get to this place where Chinese factories are working overtime to make those white-bonneted, blood-red “handmaid” costumes for protesters to wear to rallies? Usually if a law of the land is approved […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: A memo to flummoxed conservative pundits about AOC
Although I almost hate to write this out loud, it’s time to tell “the others” the truth: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is just messin’ with you. I hate to tell you because it’s hilarious when y’all get all high horsey about how “dumb as a box of hammers” the freshman from New York’s 14th Congressional District is […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Why is it OK to hate teachers?
I was reading the comments attached to a news story about public school teachers staging a rally in my home state of North Carolina (“Come for the No. 34 ranking in nationwide teacher pay; stay for the barbecue”) when it hit me: People really are idiots. Not all of y’all. But I gotta give a […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Jeopardy! Champ for President
I’m not sure if “Jeopardy!” brainbot James Holzhauer is politically inclined but I’m recruiting him to run against Trump in 2020 because I don’t think it’s possible for James to lose to anyone. We can work on his annoyingly fake “Aw shucks! Did my big ol’ brain just do that again?!” smile, which someone must’ve […]