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Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Disciple DeSantis? Its easier than he thinks
Is anyone surprised Ron DeSantis said recently he wished he could have been one of the Apostles? Here’s the Good News, Ron. You don’t have to sigh moonily in a TV interview about what could’ve been. No! Real discipleship is as close as your nearest food pantry and soup kitchen. It’s as close as the […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Italian vacation — Part Tre
Since we returned from our 16-day bucket list trip to It-lee, many have asked, “Just how much DID you eat?” Just kidding. I may be the only person to ever visit who came back 3 pounds lighter. Turns out when you walk 24,000 steps a day for more than two days in a row, (A) […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Our Italian adventure — Part Due
It was Mother’s Day, and I was in Italy, fairly bursting with gratitude for this trip, a long-planned bucket list goal. I had merrily envisioned a late breakfast, maybe some bottomless mimosas, followed by leisurely window shopping along Rome’s fancy shopping district, Via Veneto. Instead, I was listening to a local guide who was showing […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Postcards from “It-lee” — from Bidet to G’day
For a very long time, Duh Hubby and I have dreamed of going to “It-lee.” I have always pronounced it that way and did so on our recent trip until the tour guide literally covered his ears and screamed “Mamma Mia!” repeatedly. Drama queen. This was a bucket list trip for sure. We did the […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Some practical marriage advice for June brides
Dear June Brides, It’s almost time! Best wishes to you! (Well-mannered folk know you never say “Congratulations” to the bride because that implies her mate has been hauled in like a record-breaking blue marlin.) Having just celebrated my 34th wedding anniversary — “the C-pap breathing machine anniversary” if you’re keeping track — I feel qualified […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Are you smarter than an 8th grader? Not if you’re MTG
Quit picking on U.S. eighth graders for having the lowest scores in history and civics ever. Give ‘em a break. Heck, some of them are working late nights at McDonald’s in Kentucky WITH THEIR YOUNGER SIBLINGS. The recent handwringing about how little eighth graders know about history and civics is understandable, but the kids still […]
Celia Rivenbark: The only thing that can save us is…big pharma?!
There’s an old joke that if men were the ones who got pregnant, they’d be able to get an abortion at a 7-Eleven. I’d go a step further and say they’d also demand a Big Gulp and free taquitos from the “hot” bar before they left. Such is the entitlement of those men who talk […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Could I be replaced by an AI chatbot?
With so much chitchat about AI chatbots replacing writers, I’ve been curious about how a bot would fare writing a weekly humor column. Could it sift through decades of columns and, in seconds, replicate my writing style so effectively you wouldn’t know the difference? Nah. I mean, right? I mean, I hope not? Besides, I […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Store closure has me feeling beyond sad
The news was a real gut-punch. I’m sure you felt the same. We will always remember exactly where we were and what we were doing when we learned…Bed, Bath & Beyond was going out of business. My first thought was admittedly selfish. I should’ve felt empathy for all the blue-aproned employees who suddenly found themselves […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Clarence Thomas meets Blanche at H&R Block
“Mr. Thomas! Clarence Thomas! Yes, please have a seat in that last cubicle on the left and our Gold Star Tax Preparer Blanche will be right with you. We’re so happy you have chosen H&R Block!” CT: “Thanks. I meant to come by weeks ago, so I guess I’ll need an extension. Usually, the wife […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Kid Rock & friends trying to find a beer to cry in
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when I saw the video of Kid Rock using an assault rifle to blow apart a case of Bud Light. (If you just thought to yourself, “What’s a Kid Rock?” advance 10 spaces and collect my undying admiration.) A quick explanation: Kid Rock is a multi-genre singer-songwriter […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: It’s only rock n’ roll…at 1 p.m. on a Wednesday
Oh, thank you, Jamie Lee Curtis, for bringing to the nation’s attention a problem that many of us, er, “seasoned citizens” have been too embarrassed to talk about. No, not bladder control. Honestly, I can’t take you people anywhere. I’m talking about why—oh, why—our favorite bands won’t have concerts at a decent hour. Like, says […]