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Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Buccal up, y’all! It’s time for a new look
Everywhere I turn someone’s talking about buccal fat removal. Pronounced “buckle,” the cosmetic surgery removes cheek fat leaving you with gloriously defined cheekbones. I’m not sure, but I believe the popular procedure was invented by Republican Congressman George Santos of New York. Or at least that’s what he said. I’ve never had cosmetic surgery (obviously) […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Harry & Meghan make me tired
Let’s begin the new year with the lofty goal of finding something we can all agree on. OK, I’ll go first. Somebody needs to tell Harry and Meghan that if they don’t want to be in the awful limelight maybe they should stop making tell-all documentaries for fun and profit. Do I think the royal […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: When the real goal is finding common ground
Sometimes the very best stories seem to come at the end of the year and that’s true of NPR’s report on a Texas hospital—and many others across America—who found patients and their caregivers united in their obsession with… World Cup soccer. Instead of TVs tuned to the ubiquitous “Blue Bloods,” QVC and Fox, it seemed […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Elon Musk is curious about that bridge you wanna sell him
I write the next paragraph with the full understanding that, as a result, my Twitter account may be dispatched to a place as cold and dark as where Brittney Griner was bustin’ rocks just a couple of weeks ago. Never to be seen again. So be it. #itwasworthit. Elon Musk is awful, y’all. For the […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: S.C. stands for Southern Charm(ing) the candidates
While the rest of y’all have been perfecting your eggnog, buying and wrapping gifts for loved ones, and making peace with the fact all your clothes will smell like ham soon, I’ve been enjoying the prickly whining coming out of Iowa. What’s got the Hawkeyes in a swivet? Well, after 50 years of being the […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: A few books not to give this Christmas
While I love to give books as holiday gifts, I have a new rule, as Bill Maher might say and it’s this: I will never buy a book written by someone who served in the Trump administration and NOW wants to talk about how awful and destructive he was. For $28.95 plus tax. Instead of […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: KFC’s cheesy promotion was mighty hard to swallow
Every so often we in the writing biz are reminded the time may come when we will be replaced by a “bot” that has been programmed to efficiently deliver timely, perfectly punctuated stories to editors. We’re always being told Artificial Intelligence (AI) is getting smarter all the time. AI bots are already writing novels, we’re […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: The scourge of Instagram therapyspeak
Have you noticed formerly normal people now seem intent on telling you they’re living their best life? I can remember when that would’ve been followed immediately by, “And you can, too, if you sell Amway!” But those were simpler times, when your friends just wanted to coerce you into selling laundry detergent for them in […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Time change ticks me off
Fall back, they said. You get another hour of sleep Sunday, they said. Uh huh. Tell that to my cats. Joey & Chandler don’t understand the unceremonious, utterly depressing end of daylight saving time. Or much of anything else except the siren song that is the opening of the flip top on their Fancy Feast […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: The cavalry’s here and it’s bringing a whoopee cushion
If you think we’ve all gotten a little more hateful lately, you’ll find validation in the viral response to a happy lil’ tweet from Daisey Beaton, a newlywed who identifies as… nice. How dare she try to spread love and light through Elon Musk’s toxic Twitterverse? You see recently Beaton tweeted how she enjoys sharing […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: My NASCAR experience lived up to the hype
I have an irrational fondness for loud engines. The distinctive “potato-potato-potato” growl of a Harley-Davidson, the thunderous take-offs from the airport near my house, the angry rumble of a stock car…these sounds make me blissfully emotional, no idea why. I say this by way of explaining how I ended up wearing a flame-retardant jumpsuit (men’s […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: OK, boomer; emojis don’t mean what you think they do
I was whipping up a batch of Chicken ‘n’ Nyquil just like the TikTok told me to when I heard disturbing news that my use of emojis and GIFs is (A) all wrong and (B) tells everyone how old and un-hip I am. I reacted to this by immediately puttin’ the chicken on low heat […]