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Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Prince Louis needs to meet Meemaw
After watching the antics of bonny Prince Louis of Cambridge last week at Queen Elizabeth’s Platinum Jubilee Celebration and Wet Waistcoat Contest, I found myself thinking somebody needs to ship the wee master across the pond so a Southern Mee-maw could, er, correct a few bad behaviors. Louis, age 4, is a walking, talking meme. […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Sorry, but ‘Top Gun’ was a terrible movie
In preparation for watching the splashy sequel to film classic “Top Gun,” I decided to rewatch the 1986 original, remembering it as “great, one of the best movies I’ve ever seen.” Bwhahahahahahaha! Clocking in at a shade over two (very long) hours, the original “Top Gun” was so cheesy I fully expect to be constipated […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Hot girl walkin’
Leave it to TikTok to make something as ordinary as taking a walk around the neighborhood sound almost edgy. The “hot girl walk” is officially a TikTok craze. It’s a dubious honor. Last year, hordes of young folks shocked their parents and orthodontists with another TikTok craze: filing their teeth to look like vampires. Turns […]
Celia Rivenbark: My abortion
We had been married a little over a year when I had an abortion. Put down your rocks and torches. If I had not had the abortion, I might well have died. Not so simple now, is it? If I had been your wife, your daughter, your sister, your friend.
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Babies and breweries
My nephew and his wife are expecting their first baby next month. They’re excited for all the usual reasons, but I’m happy for them for a much less obvious reason. You see, it’s easy, and expected, to be giddy at the notion of gently pinching impossibly chubby baby thighs or pondering the adorableness of spit-bubble […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: A feel-good story for a change…
I spotted the petite gray and white tabby while working on my laptop beside a kitchen window. She was staring at a female cardinal perched on the lowest branch of my ancient cypress tree. My own tuxedo cats, Joey and Chandler, had also perked up at the sight of a visiting kitty. Indoor cats, they […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Ron DeSantis and Florida math
I often blame my abysmal math skills on missing a crucial week of long division instruction way back in fourth grade. Laid low by a virus, I never caught up and remain lousy at math to this day. But young students in Florida public schools will now have an even better excuse for not learning […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: The Southern affinity for “shiny, quivering” gelatin molds
The recent news that gelatin salads are making a big comeback left me feeling equal parts nostalgic and nauseous. You see, here in the South, we were the last ones to finally, mercifully, stop mixing boiling water with a box of “fruit” flavored gelatin and adding weird crap like shredded cabbage, crushed pineapple and onion […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Madison Cawthorn, boy blunder
When is someone going to report on the very worst thing about Madison Cawthorn? The freshman congressman from Western North Carolina may lack the name recognition of Will “Bonecrusher” Smith, but to those of us who live in the Tar Heel state, he’s omnipresent as the aroma of chicken houses down east. (And, yes, it […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: A big ass spider scare
Just when I thought the news couldn’t get worse–yet another COVID variant AND Maury Povich retiring so how will those fools know if they’re the daddy or not?–I learn there’s something even more worrisome practically knocking on my back door. If you guessed Joro spider, well, you’re lying because how? If you don’t know what […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Florida’s don’t say ‘gay’ law
Gov. Ron DeSantis is not an idiot. He just plays one on TV I’m having such a wonderfully gay time planning a little getaway to take place in a month or so. Our destination is Savannah, a city beloved for its festive, ebullient, positively gay atmosphere. Yes, we hope to have a gay ol’ time […]
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: The Russian oligarchs edition of “Below Deck”
Next season on “Below Deck: Montenegro”…Captain Sandy and Captain Lee decide to salvage a slow season by renting their employers’ luxury yachts to Russian oligarchs whose boats are currently…uhhhh…unavailable. Here’s a clip from “Below Deck: Russian Oligarchs Edition” coming soon on Bravo… Captain Sandy: Welcome aboard, Sergei! Captain Lee: Cut the sugar, Sandy. Look, Sergei, […]